I SURVIVED SIX HOURS ALONE WITH MY CHILDREN

Well, not really. Lula had two and a half hours of therapy during that time, but otherwise I had neither sitter nor Sam.

It went great. I tried to be two steps ahead of the two of them all the time.  When the feeding therapist was here I prepared Lula's tube feeding and Roan's lunch.  When Roan got up for Lunch I gave Lula tummy time.  When the PT came I got everything ready for us to go to the park - packed the diaper bag and loaded the stroller with a blanket, ball, etc.  When the OT came after the PT I strapped Lula onto my front, loaded Roan into the stroller and we headed to the park.  I looked like some sort or urban pack mule, but I actually felt pretty balanced. We sat in the grass behind the tennis courts in the park. The OT worked with Lula, who despite being on her third therapy session of the day rocked it out.  Roan flirted his ass off with the entire Brooklyn Tech girls track and field team.  My neighbor Eva and her son Isaac, who turns one tomorrow, joined us and we blew bubbles.   When we came home Sam was waiting for us with two neighborhood kids who were trying to do hand stands on the sidewalk.  Roan tried to join in which was pure entertainment.

It felt like a victory to me, as close to a normal day for most moms as I have ever had. I have to constantly remind myself to compare us to ourselves and not to others.  Compare Lula to a normal 15 month old and she fails in nearly every regard.  Compare 15 month old Lula to 14 month old Lula and she is now able to put her hands in her mouth, she's making more eye contact, she's tracking some and her lungs are much clearer and stronger. Lula has also turned a bit of a corner with feeding therapy.  It's been such a fraught and stressful thing to work on with her, but since we changed our approach to food being about flavors, textures, and about enjoying them, about food being fun and not something to force down Lula's neck, it's all gotten so much better.  Now she's gnawing on pickles and lapping up peanut butter.  I am trying to think of myself in the same regard.  Being a mom is still difficult but less daunting and frightening and more about fun.

After dinner I walked across the street to the ice cream stand (yes, there is an ice cream stand within 50 feet of my house). We have tried really hard not to make a regular habit of dashing across the street for a quick cone of salted caramel ice cream, but it was a glorious late summer evening.  We sat out on the stoop and enjoyed.

Bitter chocolate almond with strawberry black pepper sorbet. yum!